I always said….

Here is the funny thing….Because of my colorful past *ahem* I have always, always, always, always said these famous last words…

“I am not naive and will not have my head in the sand when it comes to my teenagers in my home!!”

Well, here is something to chew on…

I talk about my parent radar being “on” with teens and I confidently talking with other momma’s about these radars that we have. We just seem to know when something is “off” with our child don’t we? We may not be able to name it, but we tend to know when something just isn’t right with one of our kiddos. I’m thankful that God gave moms that radar.

Here is my question….can our radar be on and functioning at its peak when all is well and good in the home?  Let’s say that we are paying attention, having good conversations with our teenager, and then BAM! the rug is taken out from under us because we found out they had experimented with drugs and/or alcohol. From that point on our radar is up and running with great intensity, but is my radar operating at the same level before the incident took place?

Does this make sense?

I want to be “on” before anything takes place. How do I have my radar on before I suspect anything with my teen?

I understand if you have a situation come up with your child and you have caught them drinking or trying drugs and you will be all over their business from that point on, but can we be “on” before that 1st time ever takes place?  Or….are these two different types of being “on?”

Just some food for thought today. It sure is hard raising these kids. I want our parent radars to be very much on.

Trying to keep on the right path with ya~

Believe it or not…I can be quiet.

For those of you that may know me….and that may be slim since a lot of you reading this probably have no idea who I am, but anyway….I’m known for my sanguine personality. I am a happy, positive person who loves to laugh and be happy! Sometimes I’m sure this is highly annoying for some. One thing that has come with my nearly 42 years of living is the ability to reign that in at the appropriate time.   I often joke how I can be 12 a lot of the time.

What I do know, as I parent two of my teenage boys, is I sometimes get really, really quiet with my parenting style. I am specifically thinking about my lack of discussion when it comes to things I’m really passionate about and how I want them to hear my heart on the “why” I am so passionate about certain things for their life. This is where I just shut down to some degree. I can go from happy go lucky to quiet as a mouse when it comes to things I don’t need to be so quiet on.

For example…if I don’t want my kids to drink before they are 21, then I need to really talk to them about it in a way that is more than  just constantly saying, “DON’T DRINK UNTIL YOUR 21!” I mean hellooooo?? These kids get 790 million things said to them over the course of a day and I am just throwing out a statement that they already know and then I have become Charlie Brown’s teacher.

What on earth do I do about this? I need to speak from my heart about it, with phones down and eye to eye conversation. I need to tell them why I don’t want them to drink before they are 21. I need to throw in my sanguine personality…with hope, confidence, and optimism.  This is what I say….

*You already know this, but I don’t want you breaking the law before you are 21, but there are life long consequences that can come with this if you are ever arrested or caught with alcohol before the legal age.

*You already know this, but your brain isn’t fully developed yet and I don’t want you hurting the masterpiece that is being created.

Here is where I really want to add my sanguine personality back into the equation:

*You are an absolute treasure to me and so much better than drinking before you are ready. Live your life, son, with fire and tenacity and passion for making the world a better place….not behaving in ways that will bear absolutely no fruit whatsoever.

*Son, sometimes I can see and know things that you can’t see or know because I have experienced things after 42 years that you haven’t yet, so please trust me when I give you guidance or wisdom. I’m not trying to be bossy….I simply love you like no other human being on this planet does.

Take a moment and think about the types of conversations you have with your teenager and what you are saying. I hope our hearts are coming from a place of love….never bossy. I hope your kids will remember your heart of love and when they are faced with all kinds of decisions and they will choose the right thing because they know just how much their parents love them and all that they have taught them. In love.

No more Charlie Brown teachers allowed.

Speak in love. Speak with your heart.

Trying to keep on the right path with ya~

It CAN be a happy new year!

As a momma, I always spend the last week of the old year thinking about the new year when it comes to my kiddos and what I hope and dream for them.  Especially as these guys get older and are in the thick of the teen years, I can easily feel overwhelmed and insecure in my parenting. Whoever said it was right….”these are the years you pray the most!”  AMEN!

I am going to list a few things here that I think might be helpful for those of us raising teens in this crazy day and age.  Print this off and keep it before you when you are feeling lost, unsure, afraid, and every other emotion when it comes to parenting.  Sometimes it just helps to see simple steps and refocus.

A parent’s new year’s resolutions!!

1. Teach your children to trust you by see YOU as their role model. We can’t ask them to do something that we aren’t doing ourselves.

2. Be patient, not just tolerant. Always apologize when you make a mistake or do something you regret.

3. Ask your teenager what they need from you–and do whatever you can to meet those needs.

4. Listen to your teens, a lot. Avoid interrupting. (personal hard one for me)

5. Teach your kids about ethics, values, and principles they can apply in choices and decision making.

6. Help them discover the feeling of gratitude, not just say thank you.

This website is a fabulous resource for you! Check it out and save it. I hope that 2012 is a fabulous new year for all of us! One day at a time…one step at a time.

Trying to stay on the right path with ya~

Would I have done this as a teenager?

I was in high school from 1985 to 1988. I went straight to college and spent 5 years earning that diploma.    I wish I could spill the beans on all those adventures during that time frame, but this isn’t going to be about what I did or didn’t do.  I can say that there is not one thing that surprises me when it comes to teenage life, temptations, challenges, disappointments, expectations, etc. I have been one of those people who, unfortunately, can say that I either saw it, did it, or came up with it.

I know. Bless me. Thankful for maturity (and protection) in so many ways.

I have teenagers. I know the road all too well. This knowledge can bring intense fear over a momma. BUT….I do know this…

Parents must know the “latest info and scoop” on what teens are doing, regarding alcohol, so they can talk to their kids about it. I can promise you that not talking about the “latest info and scoop” will push them in a negative direction when it comes to the choices they make.

These are two things that I’m aware of and you may be too, but thought I would use this platform to pass along in case you didn’t know.

Ok…the 1st in the “latest info and scoop” when it comes to teenage drinking involves gummy bears. Its not just candy anymore. Who knew, right?  Watch this news story, let your jaw hit the floor, anger and shock over come you and then come back and see the next “latest info and scoop.”

Now for the next piece of “latest info and scoop” when it comes to teenagers concealing their use of alcohol. As a woman, this scares the fire out of me.  Click here to watch this story out of Phoenix. And I highly doubt this is happening only in Phoenix. Take a deep breath and watch. I’m warning you on this one…hang on tight.

Well, there ya have it. It’s a lot to digest, but once you have let it settle on you….let this be a reminder that open conversation about the dangers of underage drinking can mean life or death. I know it may seem that we go on and on and on and on about some things, but do not let underage drinking become one that you grow weary of.

Stay informed as parents! Stay in conversation with your child! It is indeed hard growing up today. They need us!

Trying to stay on the right path with ya~

Please tell your kids…your kids friends…any kid who happens to listen to you!

I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
U told me not to drink,
Mom,So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn’t drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I’d get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn’t see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.:(

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
“The other guy is drunk,” Mom,
And now I’m the one who will pay.

I’m lying here dying, Mom….
I wish you’d get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I’ll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn’t drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn’t think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I’m feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don’t think it’s fair.
I’m lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put “GOOD BOY ” on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I’m becoming very scared.
Please don’t cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn’t drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

Someone has to tell our kids and their friends and their friends. Use your voice!

Trying to keep on the right path with ya~

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Why courage?

I have 3 boys. They range in age from 15 to 10. Having a freshman in high school and one in 8th grade puts me smack dab in the middle of “trying to find yourself.” But you know what? Do we ever find ourselves? I’m 41 and just as soon as I think I have, I realize I haven’t.  Maybe we are all just lost as goons.

Anyway, I’ve seen a trait in my 15 year old that I sometimes wonder “who are you?” when I listen to him talk or watch him make decisions.  Let me give you a couple of examples of my child who I also label an old soul……And, I’m proud of my old soul.

**He bought a “smart card” from a student at another school with his OWN MONEY. What?  He did this to be nice and help the girl out as a fundraiser for a rival school. He didn’t even know what the smart card was. He took his own $15.00 and helped a friend out. There are plenty of kids who would say NO WAY…not my money. He did this all without even asking me or talking to me about it. This is a grown up thing.

**He walked away from a sport (hopefully temporarily) realizing that he needs to focus on school, but also wanting to grow in knowledge about some things that are separate from school and is an extremely healthy environment for him to be in.

Bottom line with these two examples is this…He doesn’t care one flying flip what anyone thinks or says about “doing what he wants to do.”  Thankfully these are smart decisions, but he honestly walks in a confidence that I NEVER EVER EVER had at his age. Walking in courage and confidence at this age is key! If our kids can walk in confidence in smaller things I have a feeling they can walk in confidence with the bigger things.

One more time…If our kids can walk in confidence and courage in the smaller things, then they can walk in confidence and courage with the bigger things. It becomes normal and right and ok.

With each season of being a teen, the temptations and trials are bigger and bigger. If your teen walks with or without confidence or courage, begin now by encouraging them to do so. Push them, challenge them, and beg them to walk in confidence and courage when it seems impossible.

They need to succeed at this so when the stakes are high…they have the courage and confidence to do the hard thing REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

Something to think about….

Seriously? High School? Mercy.

My oldest starts high school in one week.

*shaking head in disbelief*

I know people say things like “Wasn’t he just born yesterday? Where is the time going? Weren’t you just starting kindergarten?” as their kids get older, BUT….

1996 was just a couple of years ago right? Right? No. It wasn’t.

When I think about all the years that have gone by with my little big guy, my mind swirls in a million directions thinking of all that I have done well…all that I have just blown….all that I need to do in the 4 shorts years that are left at home. We all enter these new phases with our children with eyes wide open and a slightly faster heartbeat.  Some parenting phases are scary because we are entering into unknown territory or territory we simply can’t remember as a child because we were too  young.  However, this new season of high school with my oldest is not unfamiliar territory to me. I remember so much about high school. I completely “get it.” I get every bit of high school world.

And this is why my heart beats a little faster.

I’m sitting down with my freshman in a couple of days to have a great heart to heart talk about this school year. We are setting some goals. We are talking fears. We are talking change. We are talking truth. We are talking about his life.

Momma ain’t scared to lay it all out on the table.

My hope is that anyone with middle and high school age kids will do the same. DO NOT shy away from the hard stuff. Our facebook page has great resources when it comes to alcohol and drug use and tips for parents. Feel free to “like” us and check the page often.

Happy back to school! Whatever season you find yourself in with your kids, take it one step at a time. It’s really all we can do. Be honest with them and love them no matter what.

Trying to keep on the right path with ya~